what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
