ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
