Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
