I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
