I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
