tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I look excited, but its just a facade.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
