I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize