My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
