i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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