Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
