yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
