I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
