i would punch a child for taco bell
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
