You can't motorboat a personality
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
