I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
