I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
