True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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