You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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