I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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