my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
NoShamevember. You game?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
