Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
