just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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