Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
