shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
