Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
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