if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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