Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
