...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
