I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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