During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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