Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
