We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
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he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
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dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
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