Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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