I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
