guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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