U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
