My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.