So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed