so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"