fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.