I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
