oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm both gender and math confused
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
