Taylor Swift is so right about you.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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