...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
