hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
