she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
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The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
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No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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