he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
