i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize