He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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