All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
