I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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