His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I AM VODKA MAN
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
