I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
