i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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