I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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