You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
