I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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