Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
