Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
