hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
