a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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