Having a random hookup so left but love u
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
there is puke in my bra ... again
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
