Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
