The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
