ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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