it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
