My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
